There’s a certain someone in the house who loves butter with an unmatched passion. This isn’t just a casual fondness—it’s a full-blown obsession. Bread, crackers, cakes, pancakes —everything gets a generous slathering. My advice to go easy on the butter? Ignored. My attempts to ration and hide it? Futile. And my expensive stash of Danish Lurpak Lighter butter? Wiped out faster than I can say smørrebrød.
Recently, I thought I’d outsmart the Butter Monster. I swapped my beloved Lurpak Lighter spreadable butter for Golden Churn spreadable butter with olive oil, banking on the olive oil flavor deterring her. Initially, it worked. She avoided the new butter as long as there was a smidge of Lurpak left. But the moment the Lurpak tub ran dry, she reluctantly moved on to the Golden Churn, devouring it like a pro.
Not ready to admit defeat, I introduced another contender: Payson Breton butter from France. This one isn’t spreadable—it’s a hard and unsalted butter. I thought the inconvenience of spreading hard butter straight out of the fridge might slow her down. And for a brief, shining moment, it did. But desperation knows no bounds. Once the Golden Churn was almost gone, the Butter Monster made quick work of my Payson Breton too.
It’s a relentless cycle. If I were the only one eating butter, a tub could last me two to three months. But with the Butter Monster lurking in the kitchen, my butter is now disappearing in just one to two weeks!
I’ve considered going for cheaper butter, but I’m adamant about quality. The brands of butter I buy are pure—just milk, water, and salt. No additives, no compromise. So, what’s left to do?
To fellow butter enthusiasts out there—how do you protect your golden tubs of joy? Share your tips before my butter budget spirals out of control!
Meanwhile, I’ll be savoring my toast with a very thin layer of butter, hoping it lasts just a little bit longer.
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