This morning, as I took Cass to the bank to open a savings account designed for teenagers under 18 (comes with a 2.5% interest rate until she turns 18YO, a debit-cum-ATM card, and a savings account passbook), we experienced an unexpected moment of reflection. We were early, arriving just minutes before the doors opened, and found ourselves standing in line behind an elderly man and a woman, both in their seventies. The wait would become a chance encounter that reminded me of the delicate balance between loving our children and ensuring we love ourselves too.
The man ahead of us struck up a conversation with me, the woman, and Cass, quickly delving into a sensitive topic: family relationships. He must have just had a big argument with his children with so much bottled-up emotions in him to the point that he let out so much frustration to strangers. He immediately shared openly that he had decided not to transfer his properties to his children and felt he did the right thing. His reason? A strained relationship that left him feeling underappreciated and perhaps even disrespected. “Whenever I scold them with a few words, they shoot back with five hundred words. I did not spend enough time with time when they were young” he remarked, sounding genuinely pained and frustrated. Although we didn’t pry, it was clear that he felt disappointed in the direction his relationship with his children had taken.
He shared memories of his own parents, who lived into their 90s, expressing that he missed them deeply. Losing them had thrown him into a two-year depression, he said, and he added with conviction that parents are unique in their unconditional love for their children. He emphasized that no matter what, our parents are the ones who love us the most. His words about respecting and appreciating parents while they are still alive resonated deeply, and he advised us never to overly coddle our children or make them feel entitled, or we risk facing disappointment later in life, like him.
Watching Cass listen to this elderly man’s story stirred up my own thoughts. I’ve always prioritized my daughters, trying to give them the best of what I have. However, this conversation brought home the idea that there needs to be a balance between providing for our children and preserving a sense of self-worth and independence. Loving our children doesn’t mean we need to forfeit our future security, financial freedom, or happiness. It’s essential to make choices that protect both our emotional and financial well-being, even as we do everything possible for our kids.
While I hope that my bond with my three girls remains strong, this encounter serves as a reminder to maintain boundaries. I hope our connection will only grow closer as they become adults, but I’ll also work toward ensuring my own well-being (mentally, physically, and financially), so I can continue to be there for them, lovingly and unconditionally, but also with a healthy balance.
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